


Turn to Ash

by ComyD



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Angst, Five Stages of Grief, Funeral, Grief/Mourning, Heart-to-Heart, I cried like a baby writing this, I'm so sorry, M/M, Pain, Strength, Suffering, Varok's necklace, get tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25498441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComyD/pseuds/ComyD
Summary: Saurfang had often spoken of Anduin's strength.
Relationships: Varok Saurfang/Anduin Wrynn
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19
Collections: Lionfang Prompt Week





	Turn to Ash

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry about this. If it makes anyone feel better I bawled like a baby writing this. Please don't hate me.

Anduin stares out on the walls of Orgrimmar. It’s ridiculously early, yet the city is already bustling and full of life. From here they all look like ants. The wind whips the loose strands of his hair into his eye, he hadn’t bothered to tie it back today, somehow he just didn’t have the energy. He fidgets with the necklace he holds in his hands. Fingers tracing over the slightly charred Horde symbol.

“Careful with that.”

Anduin smiles softly and turns to see Saurfang standing behind him. It never ceased to amaze Anduin just how stealthy the orc could be. Saurfang has a fond smile on his face as he moves to stand beside him. His large frame shielding Anduin from the cool early morning breeze.

“There’s nothing like seeing the sun rise from here. I’m glad you got to do it.” Saurfang rumbles, gently nudging Anduin with his shoulder. Anduin lets out a soft laugh, as he takes in the view. The Overlord isn’t wrong, watching the dawn break had been quite the spectacle. The warm reds and golds of the sun's first rays, illuminating the desert sand. There was no view like that back home. 

Home. Dread sits in Anduin’s stomach like a lead weight. He has to go back to Stormwind tomorrow, he has a nation to lead, treaties to draft, allies to appease. He clenches his hands around the necklace.

“You just have to take it a day at a time you know. Accept that there are things you can not change, and learn from them.”

Anduin turns with a brow raised as he digests those words. Accept what he can’t change. What can he learn from that? 

“So I can see how badly I failed? I couldn’t save Teldrassil! Lordaeron is even more of a waste ground now! I couldn’t even help avenge Teldrassil! I did everything wrong, and-” Anduin’s voice breaks, vision blurring as tears cloud his vision. A strong arm drapes over his shoulder, but Anduin still feels cold.

“Yet, look at what you set in motion. You convinced me, and we were able to rise up against Sylvanus. Because you trusted me, Orgrimmar is whole again. Hardly a failure.” Saurfang muses out beside him. Anduin trembles as sobs continue to shake his frame. Yet Saurfang just stays there, saying nothing and comforting him.

“What will you say tonight?” The orc asks suddenly. Anduin tilts his head, tonight? What was going on tonight? He looks to Saurfang bewildered. The orc has a sad looking smile on his face, yet he doesn’t press further instead he hums and turns back to face the city.

“That was my son’s you know.”

Anduin gazes at the necklace in his hand, before looking back to Saurfang, curious as to what the orc will say. It’s maybe the second time they’ve ever spoken about it.

“I gave it to him, before I left to come here. He was my hope that the future would be brighter.” Saurfang’s jaw clenches and his eyes burn with raw pain. Anduin doesn’t say anything, he simply reaches out to touch Saurfang’s hand, to let him know he’s there.

“When he died, I thought all my hope had gone with him. Living became a chore, and I was simply existing, waiting to die.” 

Anduin frowns, not liking the change in tone. He remembers their first encounter in the stockades, how broken Saurfang had looked. How broken he was looking now, his tears drip down onto the precious necklace.

“Then I met you. When you called down the light, when you came to me in the cell, you trusted me. Despite everything, my past my involvement, you believed in me. I found hope again, I found something to fight for.”

Anduin’s breath hitches as he gapes at the orc. He’s sure his face is turning red, but he doesn’t care, not when it’s the two of them like this, alone. Saurfang reaches a large hand out to brush at his tears, before reaching down to curl over Anduin’s hand. He feels the press of the necklace, and he can’t help but marvel at how it suddenly seems to have got heavier.

“You shouldn’t bear my burdens Anduin. You’re young and will certainly have many of your own to bear.”

Anduin’s eyes widened at that. He opens his mouth to retaliate when he hears the sound of footsteps climbing the stairs to the wall. Curious they both turn to stare, only to see Thrall approach.

“Your Majesty. Forgive my intrusion, I thought we might speak, while there’s time.” Thrall looks around curiously, fixing him with an odd stare, “I thought I heard you talking to someone.”. Thrall eyes the necklace in his hands, eye glinting with something Anduin doesn’t want to examine further, but doesn’t comment. Anduin turns to look at Saurfang, but the Overlord seems to have slunk off somewhere during the distraction, he’ll have to finish the conversation later. Thrall leans on the city wall.

“When Varok first sought me out, I was surprised to hear you had aided him.” Thrall is gazing out over the city, not looking at him. “I had my doubts. Horde and Alliance have a bitter past of trying to work together then failing miserably.” Thrall lets out a small humourless chuckle at that, he probably has more memories than Anduin about such things.

“Yet, he was so convinced this time would be different. Maybe he was right.” The orc turns to look at him thoughtfully now, “I will not pretend to understand your relationship, or how you are feeling King Wrynn. I am probably overstepping, but he wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

Anduin frowns at the words. Where did Saurfang go? His head hurts, and he’s acutely aware that he feels a deep ache in his chest. He opens his mouth, but the lump in his throat prevents him from making a sound other than a pitiful croak. Reality hits hard. Tonight is Varok Saurfang’s funeral and Anduin was supposed to give a speech. He sniffs, trying to fight back the tears, but he’s too late, they’ve been falling for some time. Thrall puts a hand on his shoulder and Anduin breaks.

He howls. He wails so loud he’s sure Genn can hear him in Stormwind. Screaming until his voice is gone. Thrall doesn’t so much as flinch, though his own eyes have misted over slightly he stays quiet and lets Anduin continue his tirade. It hurts. The pain is unbearable, worse than when Garrosh dropped the bell on him, equal to when Genn handed him his father’s letter. His knees buckle and Thrall barely catches him before he can collapse on the ground. How is he supposed to go on?

It was all his fault. He should never have let the orc leave the stockades. Should never have insisted they work together.  _ Should have _ …  _ should have _ …  **_should have!_ ** The words echo mockingly in his head, and he curses himself. Thrall rubs soothing circles on his back awkwardly, they are hardly friends and propriety demands he should stand up and get his stiff upper lip on. 

“That’s it, let it out.” Thrall says softly, eyes darting about, no doubt making sure no one thinks he’s murdering Anduin. The thought has Anduin smiling, but only very slightly.

“Forgive me. I should not have let myself get carried away like that.” Anduin goes to move away, to straighten himself out. The ache in his chest has lessened ever so slightly but it still feels raw. Thrall frowns at his words.

“Grieving the loss of someone you love, is nothing to apologize for. If anything I feel I should apologize to you, for thinking your feelings were not as strong for Varok.”

Anduin blinks at that, he supposes he could understand, their relationship most certainly hadn’t been conventional. But, he thinks, he wouldn’t have changed any of it. For it would take away from the memories he had of Varok. He looks at the necklace in his hand, feeling thoughtful.

“Thank you Go’el.” Anduin nods respectively “I think I know what I’m going to say tonight.” 

Thrall offers a small smile, kind glint in his eyes. He regards Anduin with an emotion he can’t quite place.

“Thank you, for giving him hope.”

  
  


The pyre is roaring as Anduin stares. Jaina and Valeera had been with him, but had wandered off when they realized he wasn’t ready to go. So many emotions swirl around his head. Anger, bitterness, sorrow, loss, pain- to name but a few. He still has Varok’s necklace in his hand.

“I must say it’s not every day the High King gives an epitaph at an orc’s funeral”

Anduin’s eyes sting from the smoke and the tears. He clenches his hands at his sides and stubbornly refuses to turn. It’s not real, Saurfang is gone.

“I don’t regret any of it.” Saurfang says suddenly, Anduin can’t help but look at him then. He looks so vivid, as if Anduin could reach out and touch him. Varok’s eyes are sad, but there’s a familiar mischievous glint there, just as Anduin remembers.

“I wouldn’t change anything. I am proud to have known you, to have loved you and to have been loved by you.”

Anduin lets a small sob escape, he nods not trusting his voice right now. He looks up and offers his delusion a small shaky smile.

“It won’t be easy, but I will do everything I can to bring peace. We won’t let Sylvanus get away with anything.” Anduin says standing straight, voice determined, even if this is an illusion he wants Saurfang to know. “There’s so much I want to say, but I think you already know. I will keep going and I won’t lose hope.”

Saurfang eye’s have brightened, a small smirk on his lips as he nods to Anduin. His eyes drift to his funeral pyre. Anduin lets out a slow breath.

“Walk with me, the rest of the way.” Anduin says softly, Saurfang says nothing but Anduin knows he will follow. He hasn’t got far to go, only a few steps before he’s in front of the pyre. Anduin fishes the necklace out from his pocket, he looks back at Saurfang who is watching him with rapt attention. Giving Saurfang one final look, committing every detail to memory Anduin turns away.

“You’ve earned your warriors death.” He whispers out, he brings the necklace to his lips pressing a chaste kiss to it, before throwing it into the fire. Anduin doesn’t turn, for he knows Saurfang won’t be there. He will have to prove his mate right, to show he is as strong as Varok claimed. Anduin swears, he feels the press of lips to his temple as the wind blows and the necklace turns to ash.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Again, I am so so sorry.


End file.
